I am keeping tonight’s writing light and positive, because I know how hard it’s going to be for a lot of us to get through what is supposed to be a happy day tomorrow. So why not focus on the happiness of love and not the darkness of estrangement? I gave birth to two beautiful girls, but because one doesn’t want me anymore isn’t any reason to hide from what is a new day on the horizon. Sure, it hurts like hell to face Mother’s Day with our family in shambles, but it’s my choice to remain positive and shine a light into the darkness that is estrangement. My choice. I didn’t choose to be thrown away, but I do choose how I approach the day I’m given when I wake up.
There are those of us out there that have only one child and that child has decided to throw you away. Or maybe multiple children have estranged themselves from their parents, and that’s so sad, it doesn’t make sense. Remember, you didn’t ask to be thrown away, so unless you’re some type of evil doer, hold your head up high and seek out the sunshine. If it’s raining, go play in the rain. Walk on the beach, go for a hike, do something kind for someone you don’t know. Pay it forward. Live. Live in the knowledge that while you hurt, you still breathe and you are valuable. You matter. I know it’s not easy to believe that you matter because there are days that I believe I don’t, but I do. My husband loves me, my other daughter loves me, my grandchildren love me. All of them. I know they do, and I have to believe that they always will. I matter to my circle of friends, and and so do you.
When does the sadness end? As far as I can tell it doesn’t, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t have joy in your life. Don’t let your estranged child(ren) steal your joy. Don’t let anyone! Do you love music? Movies? Books? Focus on you, because you deserve it. We focused on our children while they were young and many years beyond that, and maybe, just maybe, it’s your turn to focus within. I don’t have the answers for how to get through Mother’s Day as an alienated Mom, but I do know I am gonna try like hell to be happy with what I still have. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the last time I heard my daughter’s voice. Great, right? Not. But, it means that the first year of everything without her is almost over. Tuesday is the one year anniversary of her tossing us away, so that makes me think we might find a little closure. Maybe we won’t, but to us it’s like the first year of everything special after someone you love dies. First Christmas over, check. First Thanksgiving over, check. First birthday without them, check. You get the drift.
What are your plans for the day? Do you have other children that will honor you? Is your own mom still alive? Mine is not, but my mother-in-love is and I know we’ll talk to her at some point. She is saddened by her granddaughter’s desertion of the family, but she also knows it’s not anything any one of us can control. My mother-in-love is a wonderful woman and I have been blessed to have her in my life. She has taught me so much and modeled life in a way I appreciate and that I’ve learned from. I wish we lived closer to her so we could see her, but she knows we love her. I am honored to be married to her youngest son, and hope she knows that.
I pray that tomorrow is a peaceful and good day for all of us moms, alienated or not. We miss our daughter, but the choice to not be a part of her life is not ours, and we have no choice but to accept that. What we do have a choice in is what we do tomorrow, whether we stay home, shut the phones off, close the blinds and stay in, go for a drive, go see our younger daughter and her family, go to the movies or whatever. What we do decide to do is not be sad, not be defeated or not be unlovable. Life is way too short to focus on the negative all the time, so I hope you try to smile, make the effort to be happy and remember that you matter no matter what!