One day, someday…

Good Morning! It is my sincere hope that today’s writing makes even just a small difference for someone out there struggling with issues, stress and whatever else people struggle with. Know that you are not alone in any struggle, no matter how lonely you may feel. There are millions of people that have been where you are, and I am one of those millions…

One day, almost 18 months ago, our lives were thrown into a cyclone of pain and disbelief. The reasons why are clearly stated in previous entries, so if you desire more context, please feel free to go back into my blog entries and read. I am reluctant to keep focusing on the past, I don’t need to keep giving up my heart’s healing by looking backwards. What has happened has happened and it’s time for me to let go and let God. I try to not bring my beliefs of God into my blog too often, but suffice it to say that what happened was what needed to happen to bring me back to the knowledge that I am never alone, no matter how lonely I feel. God, as I understand the presence to be, is my source of an inner strength that I can’t begin to explain.

One day, someday, we all fall. We all hurt, get hurt, hurt someone else and we eventually heal if we so desire. I am in a place of healing from wounds so deep, no amount of stitching, of cleaning, of care could come close to healing in a short period of time. This healing I seek, and need, has become a lifelong pursuit of seeking and accepting. I seek joy, I seek peace and I seek love. I accept the loss, the pain and the misplaced feelings of resentment. Acceptance brings the things I seek. Acceptance brings joy, acceptance brings healing and most of all, acceptance brings me the ability to love freely again. I will always hurt, but I will always seek healing for that hurt. No one has the right to steal anything from you; not your joy, not your peace and certainly not your love. When someone tries to steal these things from us, we become bitter, angry and close-minded. I am not going to live that kind of life…

One day, someday, I want to stand on a stage somewhere and share my story. All of it. From the sexual abuse experienced in my childhood, to the loss of our daughter, and all of the in between. I’m not famous, I don’t claim to be an expert of anything, I am actually just a woman who loves her husband, loves her remaining child, and loves humanity. I love the people in my life and I feel great empathy for those who suffer needlessly at the hands of others. I have hurt others and I apologize to them for that. I am kind, I am brave and I am loved. I’ve always been told that I am a bad influence, that I belong at the end of the line, and to this I call BS!!! Heck, just two days ago, someone told one of my coworkers that I “look” mean. Really? Is that because I have short hair? Tattoos? Glasses? Talk about judging a book by its’ cover! I am not mean, but I don’t have anything to prove to someone who instantaneously judges me based on looks. I could speak up and confront this person, but I choose to take the high road and show them that I am not who they judge me to be.

One day, someday, I too will be gone from this life and the legacy I leave behind will cease to matter. I don’t want to be remembered because of the painful times, I would like to be remembered for my willingness to forgive, for the heart that sought to love and for the ability to accept myself and others for who we are. Who we truly are. Authenticity is not easy to portray, achieve or share, but it is possible. Being strong doesn’t mean being hard, great strength is born out the most debilitating weaknesses, and I grow stronger every single day. I still fade from time to time, but I am never not going to seek strength throughout the remainder of this life I have been given…

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