Thursday Morning Thoughts…

Good Morning. Welcome to Thursday! This week has gone by pretty quickly, but being a day behind until this morning helped speed things up. I’m caught up with the rest of my life now and having a few laughs at myself. I’m glad I can laugh still, especially as my life is falling apart. I’m holding on by the skin of my teeth, still looking ahead to the sun rising again and bringing me some peace. And moments of joy. Even stolen moments of joy.

This morning my husband is first and foremost on my mind. As always. I find myself cherishing each day, each moment with him just a little more than the day before. As the world implodes all around us, I am becoming more and more insular within. His days are numbered, but how many of these numbered days do we have left? Yesterday he was pretty zombified by the morphine he’s now receiving regularly, and while the situation continues to crush my heart, I am at peace. As is he. To be able to spend time with him in the midst of the pandemic is a gift, and I am determined to make the most of our time together. Watching someone you love transitioning to death is not easy, not at all. It’s like a double edged sword. On the one side we want more time, on the other side we want less suffering. I can’t imagine my life without him, but I can’t imagine him in constant pain and suffering. A complex oxymoron…

It’s a beautiful fall day here in New England and the sun is shining brightly in Boston. While the country I love races towards self-annihilation, I find myself stuck between wanting to scream and wanting to hide. I want to scream because people of color are treated as less than by a broken justice system. I want to hide because the noise of turmoil overwhelms me. Especially now. I want to stand up and fight for what matters to me, and not being able to is a tough pill to swallow. Then I think, “Hey! You are fighting for that which matters most! Your husband.” I am learning a little more each day how to grant myself grace. And forgiveness. And I ask for forgiveness from my friends. Forgive me for not being able to do more, but I know you all understand why I can’t. Thank you.

As you go about your day today, remember to be kind to those you meet. You never know what someone is going through. Kindness matters, and these days it matters more than ever. With so much hatred and discord being spread by people that are in positions of great power, it’s up to the rest of us to hold onto kindness and share it. Smile at a stranger, even though they might not see it behind your mask. They’ll see it in your eyes. Let that car trying to turn left into that parking lot go ahead of you, just because you can. Take a walk and just listen to the world around you. Sit in the sun. Be kind to yourself. And others. We all need more kindness and you could change a life with a simple act of kindness.

My Thursday thoughts could go on for quite a while, but I’m ending here. I’m going to take that very walk I encouraged you to do, and listen to the sounds of the city I love. Traffic, sirens and dogs barking are a given, but birdsong, children laughing and quiet are not. These are the things I will be listening for…

Until next time, be well and stay safe!

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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