Noise

Noise, by definition, is an unwanted sound considered unpleasant, loud or disruptive to hearing. To me? All I can say is is noise is so much more than that which disrupts the ears…

I find myself disrupted by noise quite frequently throughout each day and as I struggle to understand why, I begin to see the changes in myself that are flawed, yet at the same time, perfectly beautiful. I’m a neat freak, I admit it. I also choose to live a minimal lifestyle. Both things, for me, bring peace from the noise of the world around me. I’m not a recluse, though there are days I think I would love to be. The world is a harsh, noise-filled, rat race. I’m not a rat, I don’t race around with seemingly no direction at all. I’d miss the small, intimate moments of joy that would pass me by if I lived my life trying to “just accept” the noise around me.

Not all noise is unwelcomed. Can you even begin to imagine what we’d all miss without noise? The sound of a baby laughing out loud for the first time comes to mind. How sad would it be if we just decided we didn’t want to hear the laughter? How empty would our lives be without music? People who are deaf still enjoy sound as they know it, and the vibrations of life become much more enjoyable when they learn to hear intentionally. We should all be so lucky as to hear with intention, being able to shut out the noises that divide humankind. What about being able to shut out the noises that live inside our heads? Those noises? That internal voice? I’m on a lifelong journey when it comes to being able to discern which noises, which voice, to listen to. As I age, I find myself more in tune with myself, and the noises that bring angst to my heart and spirit affect me greatly. That affect is not always positive, so I work my way through the thought processes that bring negativity and try to find a positive result.

I recently spent some time away from home and was exposed to the type of noise that not only triggered great sadness in my heart, it left me so overwhelmed that I can’t begin to shut it off. I’ve tried. I’ll keep trying, though I’m sure this is another journey that will last years. I’m pretty resolved to the fact that the only way to make it through this journey is a shoulders back, head-up approach, yet my shoulders are exhausted and my head is so damn heavy right now. When does the noise actually abate enough so I can hear myself think? I can stand on top of the highest mountain on earth and scream into the sky, yet no one will hear me. I can run myself to the point of exhaustion, and no one will be there to catch me when I fall. I can cry. I can hide. I can fight. I can give up. I can talk. I can listen. All the while the noise will still be present. Managing the noise as best I can is really all I can do, though how to manage it is a mystery not easily solved. Nothing worth having comes easy, including the absence of too much noise.

Is your life too noisy? Too messy? Do the noises and messes feed off of one another and leave you feeling like you’re bat shit crazy? Are you like me, a highly sensitive person, an empath? I have the capacity to feel so much, and the capacity to hear noise that a lot of people can’t. I’ve spent a great deal of time becoming the person I am right now, and I like her. I like that I’m able to hold myself accountable for my mistakes. I like that I don’t need to have the approval of others. I like that I can make my way in this noisy world. I like that I’m strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when I need help, and brave enough to actually ask for it. I like that I can focus and re-focus on the joy-filled moments my life gives me, even knowing that struggle lurks just around the bend. Struggle isn’t a bad thing, it helps sharpen our coping skills and adds tools to the toolboxes we all have to have to survive. Using those tools, both old and new, is a choice we all have to make for ourselves. Coping with the volume of noise I’ve been exposed to over these past 4+ years has been made more tolerable because my toolbox has what I need in it. Coping with the increase in volume pertaining to the noise I’ve recently been exposed to is going to be tough, I have no doubt about that. I can, and will, find a way to turn down the noise. I have to…

Be well, dear readers and know that I appreciate you all. Very much! Be kind, stay safe and turn down the noise whenever you get the chance!

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